samu't sari

[Rigne]

just a bit of things i write whenever i feel like writing. Hehe. wud appreciate any suggestions/comments/violent reactions. I have not drawn up the courage to write a story, so maiikling kung anik-anik na muna. hehehe


On A Night Like This....

I hold my own hands because no one can.And if they learn who I am, no one will.
I kiss my own tears from my fingertips which slowly wiped it off from my cheek.
The things I do to prove that I'm real...

[chi3]

nice naman Rignechan! do you write on impulse? o kelangan mo ng inspiration para magsulat? maganda po yung gawa nyo :) its simple but conveys strong emotion ;) im looking forward on reading your next work ^_^

[Rigne]

@chi3-san: Domo arigato (*blush*) I write best when i feel lonely or I was hurt. Hehe. I also get to write more when it's raining. Basically, I just write if I feel like it. Though I do get inspired by certain things. I hope I can write more stuff.

[mami_noodles]

@chi3-san: Oo, magaling magsulat iyang si Rigne-san...

[chi3]

@chi3-san: Domo arigato (*blush*) I write best when i feel lonely or I was hurt. Hehe. I also get to write more when it's raining. Basically, I just write if I feel like it. Though I do get inspired by certain things. I hope I can write more stuff.

ganun ba? as much as i wanna read your work, e sana naman wag ka hurt lagi...hala edi pag may sinulat ka na sad edi ibig sabihin nun malungkot ka :( sana umulan na lang lagi hehehe

@mami_noodleskun ~ uu nga..im impressed nga po n_n

[Rigne]

@chi3-san and mami noodles-san: Arigato. ^^.

[Rigne]

And with knowing comes anger...contempt rising to a certain point, fire slowly raging at the pit of your stomach...

With knowing comes jealousy...envy disguised by weak smiles and weird gestures that tries to pass off as compliments and good wishes..

With knowing comes pain...helplessness at who you are and the things you know you can never be...

With knowing comes bitterness...an understanding that gradually transforms to indifference, a mask that attempts to say such matters are trivial and unimportant..

With knowing comes numbness...a cold chamber where no one and nothing is important anymore, worth and identity lost in a dark abyss..

Knowing...a painful journey, a chaotic dimension of truths, perceptions and feelings, a channel, a window that leads to growth, maturity....change..

Ah..Knowing...you attract me, you scare me, you break me, you inspire me....

[moeru]

@rigne-san: wow.. galing mo nmn. gusto ko ung "on a night like this...." gusto ko rin ung theme ng 2nd post mo.. hehe. advice lng.. always proof read... importante un.. XD Do you write fiction? gusto ko mabasa gawa mo kung nakapagsulat ka n nun! hehe Ano rin pala ung mga usual themes na sinusulat m?

[mami_noodles]

Aba, may bago na naman, ah...alam ko marami ka pang reserba...

[chi3]

Ah..Knowing...you attract me, you scare me, you break me, you inspire me....

~i like the last part the most...if said right (verbally), its going to be soooo sexy lol you did well Rignechan :D omedetou!

[Rigne]

@moeru-san: Arigato. Would appreciate any suggestions/opinions. I'll try to be careful with my grammar, it really needs polish, a lot of it. ^^ I have written one or two pero....masagwa. ^^ Nasa baul ko na. ^^ I don't have a particular theme, kdlasan ung mga nasusulat ko, expression of what i felt strongly at a certain time. That's why I write best when I'm hurt or it's raining. Hehe. ^^

@chi3-chan: Arigato. *blush* I never thought of it that way. Hehe. ^^ chi3-chan is really kawaii. ^^

@mami noodles-san: My konting kung anik anik. Mdlas kc ulan ngaun. ^^

[chi3]

@rignechannn ^_^
~ehhh? ganun ba? sorry..sana d kita na offend dun :D chaka domo for sharing ;)

[Rigne]

@chi3-chan: I wasn't offended. ^^ Na-amuse ako. ^^

[Rigne]

I'm sorry...
for bowing to my insecurities and stabbing you in my dreams
for keeping silent though i want to tell you that I'm hurting as you walk farther and farther from me
for casting my jealous eyes on you, God knows how I fight my thoughts
for being mean and cross when I'm not in the mood, it is at those times that my tongue is too stupid to keep the cruel words at bay

I'm sorry... I am weak

Forgive me...
I couldn't erase the insecurities away
If I still say yes when you ask me if I was ok
if I still feel jealousy towards you and your gifted, loving soul
if I don't talk the way I used to
I don't have the courage to tell you I'm breaking in two
I am tired of these pain and sorrow

Forgive me...I must go

[moeru]

@rigne-san: curious lng ako.. diba sabi mo dun sa isang thread sa dojo na you don't believe in romantic love... pero ung tone ng mga sinusulat mo parang abt romance. kanino mo ba tlga ina-address yang mga sinusulat mo? hehe

[chi3]

uyyyy...mukhang inlove at si Rigne-san <3

curious din ako Rigne-san kung kanino mo dinidedicate yung mga sulat mo or kung sino nag iinspire sau. i remember you said you write when it rains/when the weather is gloomy and all but still im curious if you have someone particular in mind... :p

Good Job though:thumbup1:

[Rigne]

ah, gomen nasai, moeru-san. My mistake, I was quoting siyata-san, pero di ko ngamit ung Quote. sya ung ngsbi na he doesn't believe in romantic love.Hehe. My reply was ung "...to each his own ...." Gomen. ^^

@chi3-chan and moeru-san: In love? not really, kay kurama cgro. ^^ Maulan lng tlga ngaun kaya mejo nkkpgsulat ako,nkkpagmuni-muni ako ng mtagal. ^^ The latest was written as i recall a time when i was dueling with insecurity and envy towards a good friend. I admit I'm a little possessive when i comes to friends but unlike before, mejo kontrolado k nmn n ngaun. ^^ I'm past that envy with that friend now pero somehow its a continuing battle with insecurity. ^^

[Rigne]

The sun descends when you don't notice how it shines and stays in the sky. The colors go from yellow to orange and red in seconds before you know it. And at that fleeting moment, you feel your heart sink as fast as the darkness that settles on the leaves of trees...The feeling is like a current that runs through your veins towards your heart, sweeps lightly over your whole being and disappears in time with the descent of the night.

Then eyes wake up to another day, a morning fresh and clean, a blank slate for new memories and lessons to learn,and dreams to reach. One sunset kept in a hidden basement of one's soul, to be refreshed with some familiar wind, some scent of a forgotten flower, or maybe some annoying song that will echo from an old radio.

At the end of the day, when all the work is done, with everyone else left to their own lives and kept blind from your own,you sit down in some corner to watch the sunset again, noting the slight changes of color and movement of its seemingly endless journey, but your eyes are still not quick enough and the darkness comes swiftly, much like the changes that happen around you everyday, your inability to see and understand what happened and what keeps happening astounds you and makes acceptance difficult for your foolish heart.

In the end, all you can do is let things be and wait for realization to come your way, just as you witness the sun's colors fade and wait for the coming of sunrise. But between tonight and the next morning will be painful and frustrating,with doubts and paranoia flashing at every second of falter in your heart. And like the curious youth that you are, you wonder why you stayed and watched the sunset and let the darkness swallow you whole. Yet like the patient traveler in stories of old, you sat down and submitted yourself to the way things are and dream of the journey the following dawn.

Maybe things will be clearer then and maybe...just maybe, you'll find your own solace.

[mami_noodles]

@chi3-chan and moeru-san: In love? not really, kay kurama cgro.

Why am I not so convinced? Joke! :lol: :lol:

I mean, magkuwento ka naman sa akin...nagkukuwento naman ako sa iyo...

[chi3]

^ah! may alam si mami-san...makikichismis lang ako:D

@rigne-san
~i think i understand what you meant. medyo possessive din kasi ako..chaka pwede ding hindi ka talaga inlove tulad ng sinasabi mo. dati kasi nakakasulat ako ng poems para sa gf ng pinsan ko lol chaka ako din nagsusulat ng loveletters nya dati para dun :lol:

~rigne-sannnnn...pwede po paexplain yung latest na gawa mo :'( d ko po maintindihan ng onti...naalala ko tuloy si edgar allan poe...d ko kasi masyado maintindihan gawa nun e

[mami_noodles]

^ Wala akong alam...kaya nga nakikibalita ako eh...

[Rigne]

@mami noodles-san: di convince ka dyan. Hehe.sa YM n lng. ^^
@chi3-chan: Hehe. ^^ I wrote this last 2007, September, I think.Nahanap k lng sya sa old files ko.^^ I wrote it a time that everything around me seem to be undergoing change, friends,work, etc. I wasn't ready, I didn't know how to act or how to accept it. I tried not to think about it, pero you can only ignore it for some time and eventually you have to deal with the feelings those changes have caused. My konting regret din, I think, sana nsbi/nagawa ko ito before the change came about, something like that.

[chi3]

i see...naintindihan ko na kung bat ganun :) thanks po! im looking forward to the next one ;)

[mami_noodles]

@Rigne-san: I see...o kaya sa text na lang...

[raika pepper]

i write best after drinking cup of coffee, noon yun, di na ko umiinom kape ngaun, hehehehe

[Rigne]

Things I Deserve

1. Mild wind, gray sky, light rain.
We know it's there.
The uncertainty, the guilt, the pain.
So walk.
It's parting time again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2.

A sign.
A choice.
A secret.
And grief descends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3.

'Why?'
'It's for the strong.'
'You are young and able.'
'My mind is weak.'
'No, you are wise.'
'My heart is selfish.'
'But...'
'I have chosen.'
...and I choose the tears that will never be...'

[chi3]

rigneeee-san! d ko napansin na may bago ka na palang post ^___^ ang galing nung naunang dalawa... kasi para silang haiku! good job po:thumbup1:

[mycaermita]

On A Night Like This....

I hold my own hands because no one can.And if they learn who I am, no one will.
I kiss my own tears from my fingertips which slowly wiped it off from my cheek.
The things I do to prove that I'm real...

that was beautiful! :D though the "I kiss my own tears from my fingertips which slowly wiped it off from my cheek" part was a little confusing. "I kiss my own tears from my fingertips which I slowly wiped off my cheek", would have been better flowing. :)

[Rigne]

@mycaermita-san: Hai. ^^ arigato. ^^ you version sounds better. ^^

[mycaermita]

^ yeah. :D san mo ba nakukuha yung mga inspirasyon mo?

[Rigne]

I don't know about inspirations. I don't understand them very well. I only write whenever I feel like it, and I write best when it's raining or when I'm hurt or dealing with something awful. ^^

[moeru]

@rigne-san: waahh!! ang galing galing mo magsulat.. gusto ko rin ung "the sun descends....", ung buo. ang ganda ng mga descriptions.. mahina ako sa descriptions ng sceneries kaya idol na kita. hehe XD

[Rigne]

**note: Ano...em...would appreciate any feedback, i have been imagining this scene for quite a while, d k maalis sa utak ko. ^^ first time ko mgsulat ng ganito kahaba. i suck at descriptions na ganito. ^^ it's set in a fantasy world kaya po my mga foreign words, imbento2 lng . ^^mdlas i stray away from the topic at mejo nkkalito, so wud appreciate any critique. i don't intend to write a full blown story from this,gomen. ^^**

The frail numb hands tried to sink deeper at the tattered coat’s pockets as the storm raged on. Each step almost dragged out of the tired body. Glimpses of scars and bounding bruises can be seen each time the coat flapped violently in the harsh wind. Tiny ice crystals have coated parts of the exposed skin, including the dried blood trailing down the arms.

Forest-green eyes nervously scanned the woods, almost tripping at the large live roots of year-old Mushku trees native to a land called Gangor.

The air smelled of all that is despised by many races. Rugged, wild, dark and cold – a harsh abode to a harsh race, and any other creature shunned by this world. Trees, particularly Mushku, thickly wrapped by vines, poisonous and harmless alike, fill most of its mountains. Not even the grass and soil can be trusted.

Feared.

Forsaken.

Old scars ached anew at the assault of thorny vines, thick tree roots that grip limbs as they passed, leaving deep marks on the already abused skin.Several times, the young soul stumbled and tried to hold on to large trunks for support as the almost limp body swayed now and then from hunger and fatigue, eyes on the verge of closing to sleep.

Her senses, dulled by torture, strained themselves to tune in to her surroundings, hoping against hope to be able to sense danger before it captures her.

Then...

A rustle startled her senses,then came the thundering clubbed hoofs from behind. Instinct drove her feet into action and ran with the speed that defied the weakness inside her, pushing her body to the limit.

She could hear demented snarls of the Gangorian's faithful beasts - the wolfbanes. Her pace quickened, hands clutching desperately at tree trunks to keep upright as she began to run. She can almost smell them getting nearer. The sky only darkened, blocking the last slivers of light from the three moons.

Someone please help me.

Her mind pleaded over and over again. Her voice lost long ago. She ran and ran. More scars were imprinted on her already bleeding skin.The thundering was closing in on her small frame. The cliff beckoned at her through blurry vision. Her feet dragged behind her as the snow and ice only grew deeper in each attempt to reach it. A sudden thump from the nearest Gangorian blew her off balance, sending her flying a good distance. A large Incanera broke her fall and her body ended on the freezing ground.

She gritted her teeth at the pain; her lips bled and bruised a bit more as she suppressed a scream. Her hands pushed numbly beneath her as she struggled to stand up. Gaining some balance, her eyes went wide and her heart started hammering within, as three Gangorians crept to where she was, with a pack of wolfbanes racing towards her, desperate hunger driving them mad,the scent of her blood, a tempting lure.

She stood immobile as she helplessly watched them drew nearer.

Someone please…save me…

But no one came. Tears began to roll on her cheeks, instantly turning into crystals as it was kissed by the wind. The monsters kept coming closer, their wolfbanes only a few feet away. Thunder roared and lightning struck the cliff. The emerald orbs darkened, pain seeping deep in her heart.

I will die. I will die. I will die…a voice echoed in her mind as she shut her eyes.

Yes, the weak always run, the weak always die…Yes, that is so… I am weak, I will die…Heavy silence…Pathetic, isn't it? To die in a place like this...unheard, unknown...boring.

Die? Then, the shivers died down.And for the first time in weeks, she smiled.A moment later, those eyes opened, fury raging to the core.

Let’s make it a little interesting then, I hate boring endings.

The wolfbanes reacted to the rise of emotion, and attacked at once.

She stripped off the coat and dumped it mindlessly on the ground. The first wolfbane leaped towards her.

A flicker of sharp light and solid force and the beast flew towards a tree, head smashed. The hands that quivered under the coat were now calm and steady. The beasts met instant death as those hands mangled their bodies cruelly, crushing skulls with brutal force.

The Gangorians robbed of their loyal companions, roared angrily, as they attacked her. But she was insatiable. Her blood–drenched face and body glimmered as a cloud parted to reveal a sliver of light from one of the three moons. One by one, the Gangorians fell, as darkness descended on her soul.

No hesitation, no fear, no pain. Her being demanded more.

Die….her mind screamed. The woods became eerily silent as the last of the Gangorians fell.

One hand slowly picked up the discarded coat, blood trickling on the already stained snow. Casual, firm steps crossed the maimed monsters and beasts.

The wind hissed and whirled behind her as she stood on the broken cliff, the raging ocean at its feet, waves tossing high and wild, a herald to a new being that was born that night.

[moeru]

nabasa ko na to sa email ko kc narereceive ko mga updates pa sa ibang threads sa japinoy.

I like your descriptions tlga.. dun kc ako mahina kaya bilib ako sa mga kayang magsulat nun. ang galing pa kc nagimbento ka pa ng mga creatures! XD

[oasis]

But no one came. Tears began to roll on her cheeks, instantly turning into crystals as it was kissed by the wind. .

Wow. Just wow. .Very nice Rigne san. .tatambay na ko dito sa thread po ninyo. Ehehe. .

[Rigne]

...when your mind's abuzz...u come up with crap... ^^

Him

No one noticed him. No one seemed to see him at all. He walked slowly along the road. Unable to smile, unable to frown, a blank expression among a sea of faces. Once in a while, someone would approach him, tell him certain things, he did not reply to any of them. Some left him with a smile, others in a fit of rage, shouting at him as they left. There were others who stuck a knife at his throat. But they couldn't harm him or kill him. I saw him often but I didn't have anything to say or didn't desire to do anything to him. I just stared and watched. One day, I found myself without a voice and I saw him again. I walked towards him and we looked at each other. And as the breeze breathed around us, I found his name - SILENCE.



don't make me say it...

There is a word I cannot say. It is known by many but I refuse to let it pass through my lips. I tried, once before, to say it, let it be heard, but I failed. I fear it immensely. It will not conjure a monster to hurt me but i fear the pain my heart will have to endure when I say it. It will break my precious glass of truths, I know it will. Saying it would mean my death. I will never say it. I can only write it in a page but I will never say the word - Loneliness.

[mami_noodles]

...when your mind's abuzz...u come up with crap... ^^

What are you talking about? It's not crap. It's quite good, as a matter of fact.

[Rigne]

@mami-san: arigato ^^

---------- Post added at 11:53 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:52 AM ----------

How do you stand...

When all your pillars are collapsing?

How do you scream...

When your hopes and your realities are drowning?

How do you breathe...

When everything that you are is being shattered?

How do you live...

When you are...Death?

[Rigne]

...cleaning bug bit me this weekend. and I found old pieces I wrote in the past. Made me laugh hard, ah, to be young and foolish and intense...

March 2005

OROCAN

Nag-aanyaya ang mukha mo, nakangiti, kumakaway, sabay bati, "Hi!" Umupo sa tabi mo, isang kaibigan bago, at dumaloy ang kuwentuhan tungkol sa kung anu-ano. Kinuwento niya ang tungkol sa kanyang boyfriend (ang hunk na matagal mo nang pinagpapantasyahan). May problema daw sila, konti lang naman. Pero sa isip mo, ba't di mo na hiwalayan? Nagkuwento uli, tungkol naman sa binili niyang bag, tatak Gucci. Samantalang sa iyo binili lang sa "UK", may discount pa kay Aling Kuli. Ngiti mo lumapad, pero ang loob mo'y nginangatngat. Panibugho, inggit, naghalo-halo.

Tinulungan mo siya minsan, inalo at pinayuhan, sabi niya, "Salamat ha? kaibigan ka talaga!". Ngiti ka uli, sabay hawak sa kamay niya, sabi mo, "Kaw naman, wala yun. Anytime., sabay cross finger sabay bulong, 'tama na, please lang?)

Mahirap ba sabihin sa kanya, "Buti ka pa, may gwapong bf, t-shirt na Guess, inggit ako"? Kesa patuloy mong ibulong kaipokritahan mo sa hangin. Isa lang ang sa iyo'y maipapayo, OROCAN, magpakatotoo.

**i can't remember why I wrote this, and I even had the nerve to put it on our school paper. wahahhah. ^^

[mami_noodles]

^ I remember this! :lol: :lol: :lol: